Welcome
Incase your wondering, this is a class blog relating to the struggles between males and female in modern day society. Males are viewed ad the dominating gender who has control of his surrounduings, and apparently has an easier time coasting through society without any issues. While women always have to work harder then men to achieve their goals even though they have the more "superior intelect." Well I happen to disagree. believe it or not but women have easier access to prodominatly male occupations. A great example is the construction trades. Although the majarity of union workers are male, women are preffered. Because Women are so scarse, union preffer to hire female trade workers rather than male because it allows them to level out the feild.
I like your introduction as it reflects the dimensionality or as you refer to it the ‘roundedness’ of masculinity; the man who is a manly man but also a ladies man. Also you have a thesis but is seems to be distributed across several sentences. Can you work on this or add a sentence which captures how this Nautica ad sells/portrays this well-rounded masculinity along with the product? ‘does a very good example’ sounds a bit awkward? night or knight? Check your spelling.
ReplyDeleteIn your first body paragraph, you focus on the model’s face which is important as his look, and you spotted this right away, is the look of Nautica One. But develop this a bit more. To make the first sentence more effective, state a reason WHY the face is the first thing that the viewer notices when he/she sees the ad. Is it because the media predominantly presents Caucasian men as models of masculinity? This is a VERY interesting observation. Also you say he has the look of courage and confidence but is also humble. How so? Please proofread your work. Models or model’s? Isn’t there only one model in the ad? Also “confidence is appeared”? sudle? going to after it?
The second body paragraph focuses on the model’s body and posture, for which you provide very interesting details. I like the idea of movement as a representation of perseverance against all odds and the muscular body with wet, ‘second skin’ shirt.
But extend the first sentence to convey how the model being captured in movement relates to your thesis- the ‘the cool, calm, collected, or well-rounded guy’ masculinity. Also how does the shirt, ‘second skin’, convey his ability to help or protect others? Maybe you should develop what the muscular body means in relation to masculinity?
Not sure what you mean by the following: “the model is using a casual dress shirt that is unbuttoned…”? “the ideal man be able to burden with…”? “man of the house mine set masculinity”?
The third body paragraph, which focuses on the setting, I really like your reading of the ocean as a symbol of the masculine balance between the tough and cool, calm, collected guy. But this, much like your other paragraphs, is very short and needs more development?
ReplyDeleteThe fourth body paragraph focuses on the product, which you analyze in relation to the model and his body. I would suggest making this paragraph follow the two first ones on the model’s face and body. The model presents one side of masculinity and the setting along with product can reveal the other side? Would you consider making the first two body paragraphs into one?
Think about transitioning from paragraph on setting/ocean to product. Water/ocean and the men’s fragrance Nautica One? Remember that the product is supposed to be synonymous with the advertisement, which is all about masculinity. So the model’s face, his body and the setting are all advertising the Nautica One cologne, which is being marketed to a specific type of guy-cool, calm, collected guy.